No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I have been debating with myself for the last couple of hours whether or not to write this up and to post it. I think that I’ve decided to go ahead with it (if you’re reading this, then I guess that means we know what I decided).

I wanted to give Sharon a little surprise today by cleaning the windows in our living room and kitchen both inside and out. I got the outsides of the living room done before the rain started, and after washing the insides I went to the kitchen windows. Now came the tricky part. Our kitchen windows face behind the building, with a small service porch (about 2 feet wide) between the window and the rear wall of our building. It’s not really that serviceable (in spite of the fact that is called a service porch), and the only way to get onto it is by climbing through the window (originally it was where the clothes line was, and that has been out of use since long before we moved in to the apartment and the wires are all broken).

So I climbed through the window onto this service porch with my paper towels and window cleaner ready to attack the much accumulated dirt on the window and I closed the window in order to reach all of it.

BIG mistake. Huge! One for the all-time “Asher Screw-Up” record books.

Intellectually, I knew that the window clicks closed and has to be opened from the inside. I have known that since we moved into this apartment nearly 5 years ago. I’ve known it with other similar style windows in other apartments where I have lived.

Yet my brain conveniently forgot this little tidbit until after I had cleaned the windows (very nicely, I might add) and was ready to go back inside.

Out of the rain. Out of the cold. And to where there was food for me to grab before I had to pick up my 9 year-old daughter from school in 20 minutes.

In a word – Shit!

Of course, since I never would have thought that I'd need my cell phone for cleaning the windows, it was in the house (being nice and warm and probably laughing its apps off at me). So I couldn’t call Revital to tell her to take the bus home instead of waiting for me, so that she could let me in. I also couldn’t call any of our friends who live in the area, or call Sharon to have her call friends whose numbers she has that I don’t.

What I could, and did do, was try to tap on the kitchen window of our across-the-hall neighbor, whose kitchen window is adjacent to ours. Since he wasn’t home, I relied on my back-up plan of waiting and hoping that somebody would come around behind our building soon. While there are several parking spaces behind the building, they are not used as much as the ones in front of the building and very few people are usually hanging out behind the building. Occasionally some of the local kids do play back there, but today was a cold, rainy windy day. This weather is ideal for Israel, but not so great for enticing the kids to come outside and play and help a poor schlemiel get back into his apartment.

So I waited. And I got pretty well soaked. I watched the time that I was supposed to pick up Revital pass on my watch, and even though I couldn’t hear my phone ring from out on that porch, I had no doubt that it was ringing and that she was trying to reach me. I started to wonder if I would get out of there in time to pick up Limor an hour and a quarter later. Most of all, I passed the time trying to decide if I should be laughing or crying about this predicament. It certainly was unlike anything I have ever faced before, and while part of me was thinking about what a great blog this would make, another part of me was thinking that it was pretty damn embarrassing to be sharing with the world. As if people don’t already have an easy time of laughing at me, here I am giving them free ammo.

After about 35 minutes a car pulled up in the back. Thank God! Of course, as is often the case, especially when one has Murphy as a stalker, the woman waited about 5 minutes before getting out of her car. Once she did however, and I managed to explain what exactly I was doing out there on the service porch in this weather, and what exactly she could do to help me, she was only too happy to be my Saving Angel.

I got inside, and of course the phone was ringing, and of course it was Revital, whom I was supposed to have picked up 15 minutes earlier. Fortunately, she was asking if she could go home with a friend who lives a 5-minute walk from the school, and said that this friend’s mother would drive both girls to the birthday party that they were attending this afternoon. I was then able to shower, and thaw out a bit before going to pick up Limor.

I was also able to appreciate how much God, or luck depending on your point of view, was actually on my side through this entire episode. While it had been raining steadily on and off during the 40 minutes or so that I was outside, it was about 3 minutes after I came inside that the truly heavy torrential rain started. I was spared sitting outside during that.

Besides that, there were a some good things that came out of the whole experience. Even though I had to weigh whether or not I should post an account of this embarrassing day, it did help me break through a mini-writer’s block that I have had for the last week and a half. Plus, I was able to get the windows clean, and that really was what the day was all about.

Ultimately, I probably will share this story. As sheepish as I may feel over getting myself into such a ridiculous predicament, I have to also be honest with myself and recognize that intrinsically, it is funny as hell. And if I really want to turn my recently-found love of writing into a full-time thing, then how can I let an opportunity like this one get away? In retrospect it is simply too much fun to not have a record of it for years to come.

And I’ve learned that either somebody has to be home when I wash the kitchen windows, or those suckers just stay dirty.