This is a bit longer than I realized it would be, but it's about a wonderful weekend, and there's a lot to share...

One of the reasons that I believe I have had a successful (and long-lasting) Aliyah (immigration to Israel) is that I have a circle of very close friends all living here as well, most of whom I have known since our wild college days at the University of Maryland, and a few from even earlier than having grown up (as much as I can be accused of having grown up) in the youth movement Young Judaea.

Of course, a significant factor in successfully being absorbed into a society is to be a part of that society, and I believe that I have done this as well, not by any stretch confining myself into an “Anglo-Saxon/English-speakers bubble”, but at the same time, it makes a huge difference to have friends around that have known me for upwards of 30 years (and in some cases more), who know me as well as I could possibly know myself, and somehow have accepted me in spite of it all. There is a real comfort zone in having friendships which are that deep.

What makes it even nicer is that of this circle of dear friends, we are 4 families all living in the city of Modi’in, and 3 of us are active members of the same synagogue. Even more than that – of the other 2 families at the synagogue with us – Revital, my older daughter, is in the same class in school as the son of one of the families, and Limor, my younger one, is in the kindergarten with the daughter of the other one. So our lives are really intertwined on a daily basis.

Of the families not living with us in Modi’in, there are 2 living in Jerusalem, 3 more in Be’er Sheva, and one living on a kibbutz (communal living settlement) near Eilat in the “Deep South” (more like living near Miami than the Arkansas-sense that “deep south” usually implies).

Whenever we get the whole “gang” together, it’s almost like a family reunion (even more so for some, in that there are a couple of sets of siblings within the circle, including my wife’s sister and her family), and we always have an amazing time. We get together annually for Israeli Independence Day and every now and then there’s some celebration or even that brings us all together.

That whole long-winded intro brings me to this past weekend. The family living on Kibbutz Ketura in the south (the “rednecks” of our circle) celebrated the double Bar Mitzvah of their twin sons, so we all converged on the kibbutz to share in the event.

{Momentary tangent for explanatory background}

If you don’t know much about kibbutz: in theory, the kibbutz was intended as a socialist lifestyle – in which every member gave to the kibbutz what they could and received from the kibbutz what they needed. A work schedule would be drawn up covering all of the necessary jobs on the kibbutz – such as the farming and industry which brought money into the kibbutz, and the jobs within the kibbutz like child-care, laundry and kitchen/dining room that kept the day-to-day life running, and other jobs like gardening and electrical work necessary for the upkeep of the kibbutz.

Meals were communal in the dining hall, decisions were made collectively by the membership, and the kibbutz was essentially one homogenous unit made up of individuals that together were even greater than the sum of their parts. In short, it was a socialist utopia (for those who like that kind of thing).

Recently, most of the kibbutzim in Israel have undergone privatization. More people are working outside of the kibbutzim, and many kibbutzim have instituted a system by which members earn a salary based on the work they do. From a western capitalist point of view, this makes sense, but it seems to me that something very uniquely Israeli (and very pioneeringly hippie-ish) has been lost with the modernization and privatization of the kibbutzim.

Kibbutz Keturah (where this story takes place) is one of the very few kibbutzim in the country that has not gone through the privatization and modernization process. The atmosphere on the kibbutz is the same as it has always been a very close-knit community in which everybody there feels that the bigger picture of that community is their home and therefore their responsibility.

{End of tangent and back to our regularly scheduled Rambling…}

We got to the kibbutz on Friday afternoon, and immediately we were in “Super-Close-Knit-Circle-Of-Friends-Reunion mode”. What is especially wonderful about this group we have isn’t only that we are all so close to one another, but that the kids also feel close to the other kids and completely at ease with the adults.

The plan was for most of us to “camp out” in one of the Children’s Houses (actually now a club house/meeting house for the teenagers on the kibbutz), but since it was still being used when we got there we were all hanging out for a bit at the home of our host family for a bit.

Eventually, the teens finished their activity, and we set up mattresses all over the floors of the 3 main rooms and getting the kids and ourselves showered and ready for the evening. It was funny – we were 6 families (consisting of 14 kids) all sleeping on mattresses and couches around this Kids House. And something about the informality of that with some of your closest friends is actually very special.

Another sort-of tangent (although hopefully relevant)…

Kibbutz Keturah is associated with the Conservative Judaism movement. Without going into the ins and outs of what that means, and where I stand on religious issues and religious identity, I will say that while I respect the kibbutz and the Conservative movement, I am personally not so comfortable in some of the religious activities done according to Conservative tradition.

This was particularly relevant with the Shabbat services. To avoid being in an awkward situation for me, I went to the synagogue on my own before the kibbutz services and prayed on my own the services welcoming the Shabbat and the evening prayers. I could still sit in the synagogue and listen to the services without being in a prayer situation in which I wasn’t at ease.

After dinner in the communal dining hall, we gathered in front of the house of the Bar Mitzvah family and just “hung out” until one by one people started dropping off to bed. It was wonderful – our own circle was there, other family members of the Bar Mitzvah family whom we all know – grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. and members of the kibbutz. There was a lot of food and drink – all of it delicious, none of it healthy. I think I consumed about 2 years worth of my calorie allowance in that one evening. All the kids were having a great time playing on the grass, the temperature was ideal (the desert is hot as hell during the daytime, but at night vacillates between absolutely perfect and slightly chilly), and the whole atmosphere was wonderful.

Saturday morning, the Bar Mitzvah services were very nice (again, I had gotten up early and prayed on my own) and sat in the synagogue to hear the Bar Mitzvah boys do their thing, to hear the very lovely talks made by members of the kibbutz and family members of the boys.

One thing that particularly stood out for me was when the boys gave their talk (together). At pretty much every Bar and Bat Mitzvah which I attend, when the child gets up and talks (usually about the weekly Torah portion which was read that morning), the talk always feels very “canned” – the kids are reading the speech, usually looking at the printed paper in front of them. This is completely understandable, and when it happens (which is most of the time), I don’t fault the kids at all. They are young, they are nervous, and a Bar / Bat Mitzvah is more often than not the first time a child has ever had to address a group of people larger and older than his or her classmates.

These boys were different. They were really talking to the congregation. Communication their thoughts while seeming to feel very natural and comfortable in doing it. It was a real pleasure to listen to them and see their poise.

Without going into too many details, the rest of Shabbat went by pretty quickly and it was very lovely. We ate lunch, we rested, we chatted, some people hung out at the pool, and so on. At one point in the afternoon, I was hanging out with three of the friends in the “gang”, one of whom the mother of the Bar Mitzvah boys, and she mentioned to us that her kids have always referred to this circle of friends we have as “the almost-family”. I liked that – that really spoke to me and said it all.

After Shabbat ended (also a lovely short service which the Bar Mitzvah boys led in front of their house), we had dinner and then was the big party. When I say party, I actually mean it was like a variety show. Various and sundry skits, songs and small speeches, none of which dragged on too long and everybody seemed to enjoy. The whole evening was emceed by the two brothers (one older and one younger) of the Bar Mitzvah boys.

I had the opportunity to be in a couple of the skits (Shock! Surprise! Amazement!). One was together with a friend doing Bill Cosby’s famous “Noah” skit which he had printed up before the weekend. It was especially appropriate in that the weekly Torah read this past week was the portion/story of Noah. I was also asked to “host” a “Whose Line Is It Anyway” type of game (actually we called it “Whose Bar Mitzvah Is It Anyway”) in which we had 2 games – “Props”, which had each of the Bar Mitzvah boys with one of their parents, and “Party Quirks” which had the Bar Mitzvah boys hosting the party and having to figure out the traits of their very unusual party guests.

The most beautiful – and most touching point of the evening came when in the middle of the big party and celebration for them, the Bar Mitzvah twins got up to wish and sing Happy Birthday to one of their friends on the kibbutz who happened to have a birthday that day. I thought that this spoke volumes of the character and the class that these boys have, and said just as much about the values and perspective that their parents are raising them to have.

The party ended around 9:30, and the trek home started. It wasn’t bad- we were home before 1:00am, and managed somehow to get ourselves – and the girls up the next morning.

This past Shabbat will always be remembered as one of the nicest I’ve spent, and I am eternally grateful to the friends and family and “almost-family” that made it the special time that it was.