You know the proverbial “calm after the storm”? That was today.
I wrote a few days ago about my friend RivkA, who succumbed to cancer last week. A big part of RivkA’s legacy is her constant optimism, and the fact that she never ever allowed herself to dwell on what she was going through. She would never feel sorry for herself and her constant upbeat attitude and personality was an inspiration to all who knew her.
One of the comments I saw on a site dedicated to her memory was by a woman who had paid a comfort call to the family, and she said that the family had comforted her more than she did them. Considering RivkA's strength and charater, hearing this about her husband and her 3 teenage children really didn’t surprise me in the least, but it did make me smile for the life-affirming element that it really shows.
Her legacy has also touched another very close friend of mine is who has spent the last 3 years + going through various surgeries, recovery times, further surgeries, relapses, etc. After RivkA’s funeral, she decided that she should and will commit herself to emulating as much as she can RivkA’s attitude, her finding the joy and love in life, rather than focusing on the negative.
After I posted yesterday’s blog about kicking myself in the cojones, I had a chance to take stock of a few things, and I had a lot of help in doing so.
Yes, I made a mistake. On the one hand, it was just a “little” brain-fart. On the other hand, the ramifications of it were significant – both to the group members, and to my company having to cover a lot of costs as a result of it.
But you know what? Everybody else involved in the soap opera – from the tour leader, to the hoteliers affected to my boss are being extremely gracious about recognizing that a mistake was made, but it was just that – a mistake. Nothing more. Nobody has said anything to make me feel bad over it (they couldn’t have made me feel worse than I felt already, even if they had tried) and all of the “players” in the episode have been very active in joining me in working through the issue and moving forward.
My job is not in danger, the group is (after all of the mess with the hotels) having a great time, and life is going on.
A lot of family and friends shared a lot of love - in the comments of the blog, on Facebook where I shared the link, in personal emails and Instant Messengers, and in person. I’ll say to you all right here and now – it helped – more than I can possibly put into words. You all made a huge difference for me and I thank and love you all for it.
You have all helped me take stock in what I do have going – and the fact that I’m not the tour operator that I have wanted to imagine myself being, cannot and will not take away from what I am, and what I can and will continue to aspire to be.
My reality, which I was overlooking yesterday when being caught up in my anger at myself is that:
* I have a family that I love with two wonderful little girls who have me so wrapped around their little fingers, it’s pathetic
* I have family – immediate and extended - and friends – near and far, young and old – that really gather around me (figuratively speaking, of course) when things are rough – and I didn’t feel anybody doing or saying anything our of obligation, but rather out of love and out of a desire to allow me to forgive myself and to feel better.
* I have a job which, in spite of the current group, is secure (or as secure as anything can be in the world of tourism) and I am being placed in that job in a position in which I really have every opportunity to shine
* I have recently found a real love of writing, which has not only brought a tremendous amount of positive feedback and reinforcement, but it has also provided me with an inner fulfillment and sense of accomplishment which I haven’t really experienced in a hell of a long time.
* I haven’t lost my sense of humor (OK – I know some folks don’t necessarily see that as a positive thing, but I can on occasion crack myself up, and that’s really what matters). Even during my down moments yesterday, while kicking myself and feeling sorry for myself for being kicked, I was still able to share a couple of light-hearted thoughts with my own (albeit, twisted) humor.
What’s the bottom line? I have family, friends, a very decent job, a (new-found) hobby, which I dearly love, and I still have the ability to laugh at the world around me and at myself.
Beyond that, I have the lessons and legacy left by one friend who departed us this week, and another one who is overcoming the crappy hand that her health and her body have dealt her recently – both of whom have enabled me to see a lot more around me than I sometimes notice.
Not a back scorecard to bring into the ball game, you know…?
They say (whoever the hell “they” are) that you can judge a man by his friends. If that’s true (and I believe that it is), then you guys have all ensured that I will get a good judgment.
Thank you all!
Mwahz!
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